So I was checking the Merriam-Webster Dictionary for the word ‘Rejection’, here’s what I found: to refuse, repeal, repulsive, to spew out, decline, throwback/cast off etc. Ain’t these words strong? What have they got to do with a love story?
Rejection would therefore mean an outright dismissal of something/someone.
I’ve known the disapproval of an employer; I’ve felt the sting of refreshing your mail only to find out it’s the same old story. But this hurt goes a little deeper when it emanates from someone you loved whole-heartedly, as in, someone you withheld nothing from; you adored this person and highly esteemed them. What is respect if it is not reciprocated? What is love if it is not mutual?
We met when I was 19, little me what did I know? Haha! Work brought us in contact. As a 19-year-old who prioritized Indian love movies over anything else, don’t expect me to demand less from my love relationship. God was on my mind, I just hadn’t allowed him to take the foremost space in my heart.
Well, SMSs turned to phone calls and a friendship began. Naïve me, I just concluded that we were in a relationship; when I take out the time to think carefully, I realized, he never really asked me out. Can you just imagine? Was I foolish or was he playing along? We enjoyed each other’s company na! Shit mhen!! I thought he gave me attention such as none had ever given me. I just loved everything about him, even his H-factor. I so loved him (Taiwo 3:16).
By and large, we were together on and off for 3yrs, too much drama. He was speaking Russian while I remained Dutch, such frustration – there was no level of understanding. I could tolerate his little dosage of love but not a woman who knew her worth. I settled for less. Silly me.
The break-up was brutal, everybody says brutal. I can’t hear you. I thank God it wasn’t bloody. Lol! He’s happily married now. Though it felt like I lost but I dare say that nothing material we lose can compare to the faith we have in Jesus Christ. (Listen intently to the lyrics of Marvin Sapp’s My Testimony). If I have lost the ‘love’ of my ‘ex’ (was he even an X or an X-factor? Kai, we should have defined that relationship because I got confused at some point, as per ‘what are we doing sef?’) and lost my faith in Jesus, then I am of all men most miserable.
There are things I wished I knew then that I know now. Without further ado, ladies listen up please:
Make No Assumptions
If a man hasn’t asked you out, please don’t assume. Legally, agreements are not made by word of mouth, they are binding by documented evidence. I’m not saying he should write you but at least the word ought to be spoken. We would not know God’s mind if He didn’t speak the world into existence.
When you ask the man you’re dating questions that you really need answers to and he dodges by becoming offended or defensive, caution!!! A man who loves you withholds nothing. He knows you’re with him for the long haul, hence, he takes the risk of revealing even embarrassing facts somewhere along the line in your relationship.
Replace fictitious movies, songs, etc. with real life happenings. Don’t consume movies anyhow if your Bible study level is low cause you do not have enough capacity to refuse what you’ll be fed. Get books of proven authors. I know you don’t like to read, but start from somewhere.
Know Your Worth
There are times when the ‘rejection-sting’ is like venom that wants to eat deep, however, we have an immunity as Daughters of the Most-High. Do not equate his choosing another person as you being of a lower value, no, it means, he settled for what he could afford.
Say No To Emotional Attachments
Clichés are good in moments like this: do not sleep with a man who’s not your husband. My X-factor and I never knew each other intimately, yet, the pain when we separated was enormous for me. You can now imagine if we did ‘it’, I’ll just die. If you hear say people dey psychiatric hospital on top of love tori, na true o! But God will not allow it for those who obey His commandments and run to Him for refuge. Avoid scenarios that’ll make you vulnerable. Set boundaries too.
Deepen Your Relationship With God
Most importantly, strengthen your relationship with the Father. I have come to realize that in whatever situation, God knows exactly what He is doing. He knows we desire intimacy but we can’t love others properly if our relationship with Him is suffering.
Finally, sistas have you read Hebrews 1:1-2? Go and read it, I won’t quote it for you. Yah!!! Enter a relationship based on your own convictions not on the convictions of others or your intended spouse.
P.S: The wait may be long, but ensure your memories about your time of waiting is filled with adventures and not just that you simply waited. May we meet our Boaz at God’s timing.